It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
