I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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