put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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