I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This is my gift to your gina
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
