You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it was like having sex with a tree stump
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
