you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
