Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
