He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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