i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
