is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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