K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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