Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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