just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
