It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
