Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
