Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
