I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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