I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
accomplished twins. life is a go
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
