Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
