We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
