Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
