New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
