dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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