apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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