I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
