I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
