so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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