He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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