wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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