Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
