I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
