My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
