he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
