She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
