i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
