Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
