thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
