I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
