i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
