You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
