I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
