If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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