watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
