I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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