Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is Oprah even human
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
God I need to hump something, right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
