i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
