i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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