fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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