i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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