I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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